An intro to the Enneagram, and my journey so far

 I first learned about the Enneagram about 2 years ago when it went viral on instagram.  Everyone was sharing out "I'm a 4, the artist!" or "I'm a 7, enthusiastic!"  I had to know what I was, so I looked into it and found The Enneagram Institute.   I started reading their information in the "learn" section and my interest grew much deeper.  I learned that this wasn't some new silly personality quiz that went viral online, this was something I could use to grow as a person.  

The Enneagram is an ancient personality typing system that helps people understand who they are, and what makes them tick (source - The Road Back to You).  It comes from the Greek words ennea (nine) and gram (figure). 

​I decided to take the RHETI test for $12 on their website rather than a free one online, because I wanted a test result that was as accurate as possible so I could start my self awareness Enneagram journey from there.  When you take the test, they send you a full report on your top personality types - things that you do well, things you struggle with, how you will fare in relationships with other types, and what you are like on an unhealthy, average, and healthy level. 

I did the test.... and the results crushed me.  I was an 8.  I read everything about the 8 they sent me, and from it I took all the bad things to heart - that I was aggressive, controlling, and confrontational.  These were NOT the things I wanted to be known for.  As a female, and an artist, I had wished I was a 2 or 4.. really anything but the 8.  A female 8 was not something that I was excited to be.  Nevertheless, according to the theory, your # doesn't change over time as it is based on your childhood development and your underlying motivations....  So, I started my journey on how to be a BETTER 8.  A healthy 8. 

For many months I studied the faults that 8 have, and how we can correct them, be more mindful of others feelings, and get along better with others. From the reading I did, I learned that in order to be a healthy 8, I needed to tap into the parts of me that were that of the 2, the helper. By doing so, 8s can become great leaders and have a substantial impact on the world. Even still, I was ashamed of my number. For a good 2 years, I pretended I didn't know my Enneagram type, and told no one what number I was.

That all changed recently. I decided to once again dive into research on how I can be a better 8, and reasons why I should be proud to be an 8.  I started asking around the community about my "wings" as I scored low in both 7 and 9 I wasn't sure which I was.  After looking at my scores, everyone encouraged me to look into the definition of a 2.  I was hesitant as I didnt quite related to the 2 (the helper).  But my scores were very high in 8, 2, 1 and 3.  After discussions, reading my first Enneagram book, and a lot of research it finally clicked.  I was a 2.  A 2 that needed attention from others, ouch.  

I learned that as a 2, I act out as an 8 when I'm under stress (yes this makes a lot of sense as to why I thought I was an 8 at certain times in my life).  And act as a 4 in times of security (by being creative).  This also made a lot of sense to me given all of my hobbies being are in the creative space.   With 1 and 3 for wings, it means I had a lot of pieces of these in me as well (1 being the perfectionist and 3 the over-achiever with many "projects") - yes yes I can relate to all of these.   The purpose of learning your Enneagram is learning how to grow into a healthier version of yourself - and I learned that 2s have a couple major areas of growth.  First of all, they don't tell others what they need, but then get upset when others do not meet their needs.  Second, they can become controlling if they fear losing relationships (this is the 8 coming out in stress).  So these are two areas in my life I'm committing to working on - putting my needs as a higher priority in my life (and communicating them) as well as lowering my expectations and dependence on the connection to those in my life (at a healthy rate). 

As mentioned, I recently decided to purchase a book on the Enneagram.  For my first book, I went with "The Road Back to You" by Cron & Stabile.  The very first chapter of the book had me hooked on sticking to this journey.  The author says "Why had I said and done so many things that seemed right at the time but, looking back, were clearly senseless and at times hurtful to myself and others?"   He says we are going to go on a hard journey, and learn some painful things about ourselves, but only then can we wake up from the life we think we are living.  

The author quotes Thomas Merton, "We must accept the fact that we are not what we would like to be.  We must cast off our false, exterior self like the cheap and showy garment that it is...  Before we can become who we really are, we must become conscious of the fact that the person who we think we are, here and now, is at best an impostor and a stranger" He then says that the Enneagram is how we can become conscious.   

This hit me.  My test results and the faults that it highlights were not who I would like to be, and I imagine that many people when they are honest, feel the same.  Our personality is something we developed after years, a coping mechanism for how to get by in life.   In fact, the word personality comes from the Greek word for mask (persona).  I committed to learning more about my underlying motivations, and forgiving myself - as they were not my fault, just something I needed to learn about in order to be a better version of myself. 

The purpose of this journey is to improve relationships, grow compassion, and grow into healthier realms of your personality type.  

As I learn more about the Enneagram, being a 2, and the 1 and 3 wings, I will be posting more on here under a new section of this blog, so that those who can relate to my findings can join me on this journey of self realization and growth.